lets talk, talk about love
to love someone so much,
to have no control.
let’s talk, let’s talk about love.
to love someone so much,
to have no control.
to protect them at all cost.
to instinctually put them first.
to worry more about them than yourself.
to do anything and everything for them.
to choose to live for them.
to be the best you can be for them.
to want to give them the world.
to know when it’s time to let go.
to love someone so much.
so much that you,
feel out of control.
can barely breathe.
are crushed.
feel like your world is crumbling.
think you are lost.
i’ve been strong for so long
i never thought how much i needed to,
look within.
give myself space to be.
let my body lead the way.
put everything aside.
stop overthinking.
trust in myself.
feel.
“🎶 standing there, watching you go. it’s like no other pain i’ve ever known. to love someone so much, to have no control. we said, “it’s time for you” and i said, “go”. but i think i’m lost without you.i just feel crushed without you. cause I’ve been strong for so long. i never thought how much i needed you. i think i’m lost without you. strangers rushing past, just tryna get home. you were the only safe haven that i’ve known. hits me at full speed, feel like i can’t breathe and nobody knows this pain inside me. my world is crumbling, i should never have let you go. 🎶”
11.08.2018 - 08.02.2019
it’s been two hundred and sixty eight days since i saw your life flash before my eyes, that i worried about your life more than mine.
it’s been sixty seven days since i watched you go.
it’s been twenty seven days since i reached out for help.
it’s been seventeen days since my first counselling session.
and
it’s been eight hours since my second counselling session.
today
i was able to let my tears fall with absolutely no reservation.
that i felt comfortable enough with myself to let go and feel.
today
i had one of the most therapeutic yoga practices of my life.
i learned that the fear of being out of control is what is crippling me.
especially when that thing that is out of my control will never be in my control.
today
i realized that my love for the people in my life is far greater than the love that i have for myself.
that i live this life, for them.
so
when my actions, the things in my control could negatively affect them
is when this full body anxiety washes over me.
because
today and every day after today, i will never trust another driver, i will always fear what they will do
because
two hundred and sixty eight days ago, i watched your life flash before my eyes.
because
when a driver is suppose to stop but isn’t looking at me,
i panic and freeze.
i am crippled.
today
i live with fear.
when
i grew up never understanding or relating to the feeling of fear.
but today,
i now understand how crippling fear can be.
and
how it can affect so much more than you would ever imagine.